We Love You Grandma

Our hearts are full this week as we have just lost Steven's mother, Arlene. It's been a time of memories and laughter as well as more than just a few tears. Grandma spent most of the last 25 years as primary caregiver. She cared for her own mother until her death, then for her father until his death. She spent 7 long years caring for her husband as he experienced a dibilitating brain disorder. He passed away 3 years ago, and within a year she was diagnosed with Alzheimers.

She has slowly been losing some of her faculties, and especially her short term memory. We felt very lucky, however, that she always remembered who we were. In June of this year, we moved her into a care center so that she could have the 24 hour care she needed. This past Monday evening she had what seems to be a massive stroke and was gone in just minutes. The caregivers that were with her said it was very quick and appeared to be painless. Thank goodness she didn't suffer. She came to see our production last Friday evening, and we had a nice visit with her on Sunday evening. Although it was not expected, we feel that the timing was right.

Our girls are feeling very tender this week at the loss of a grandparent. Steve is processing the passing of his remaining parent. I think Erika probably put it best when she said "I feel sorta sad, but kinda happy too, because now Grandma is with Grandpa." How wise children are!


In our "sorta sad, but kinda happy" way, it's become a time to celebrate a life well lived, and to give much gratitude for the blessing she was in our lives. Arlene was the epitome of the doting grandmother. She was absolutely enraptured by all 8 of her grandkids. When Kaila and Sierra were little, and the only grandkids around... she spoiled them rotten! And did it with a huge smile on her face! We lived just through the block, and as soon as the door was open, they would take off around the block to "Grandma & Grandpa's".

Grandma made a baby blanket for Kaila before she was even born. It had once fleece side, one polka-dot side, and was edged in satin. It was bigger than a baby blanket too, about crib size. Talk about your perfect blanky! Kaila called it Polka-Dot, and we had many years where NO ONE was allowed to sleep if Polka-Dot was not in her bed. We saw that blanket go to girls' camp hidden the sleeping bag, and mysteriously enough, I saw it come through the laundry just a few weeks ago. It's pretty faded and somewhat tattered, but it was made by a loving Grandma to be used for years... and nearly 18 years later... it still is.

Sierra's full name is Sierra Arlene, and she has always had a special connection with her namesake. She could sit and talk and joke with Grandma even when her Alzheimers was taking control. We once threatened Sierra that she was going to have to live with Grandma if she couldn't get along with her sisters.... but... that wasn't a threat! Both Grandma and Sierra were thinking that was a GREAT plan!

When Jada was just a baby, she started doing this belly laugh thing everytime she was at Grandma's house. Grandma & Grandpa loved it so much that they would practically twist themselves inside out just to get the baby to laugh. I don't know which was funnier... the baby or the grandparents.

Necia has been having a growing contest with Grandma. The past few years they would ALWAYS measure how tall Necia was getting to Grandma. They had just about reached the point where they were the same size... and even with her memory going, Grandma would always remember to check Necia's height.

Erika was born just when Grandpa got sick, but Grandma always made sure that Glen could see the baby and would sit by him as she held her. The past 3 years, Necia and Erika have gone to Grandma's house after school every day... and took advantage of the fact that Grandma ALWAYS had their favorite snack-goodies handy. And... mini-ziplock bags to take some home!
She was a grandkid's dream! Plenty of treats at Grandma's!

As the girls got older, Grandma would take them each shopping for Christmas and their birthdays. Yes, SHE took them... even when her feet were killing her, she walked the mall for hours with her teenage granddaughters. And the kids LOVED it.

As for me, I am so grateful that Arlene is my mother-in-law. She has defied every stereo-type of the "mother-in-law" persona. She as been very good to my kids, and to me personally. Because she kind of had a prickly public personality, I have had people ask me if she was a difficult mother-in-law. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I always felt loved and important to her. She has always been a part of our lives but never interfered or tried to take things over. In short... a true friend. She never forgot a birthday or an anniversary, and without her unfailing generosity I don't know how we ever would have made a Christmas happen. It was always very low key, but she made sure we had what we needed. In particular, I remember a few years ago when we were having a major money crunch. She came to my house one day when she knew Steven would be gone and brought me a large amount of very needed cash. I immediately started to cry, and she just said..."What good is money if you can't help your kids when they need it." And how did she know? She just said she could tell that we were stressed out, and that I didn't have a very good poker face! That's just the kind of person she was.

We will miss her so much, but what a gift to have been blessed with such a person. I hope that when it's my turn to be a mother-in-law I can do it as well as she did. We will miss you Mom!
Enjoy your well deserved peace and rest, but beware... the day will come when the grandkids will get to smother you in hugs one again.

Read the obituary here.